Safety First

I went to the dentist today. I went in and the 1st thing they did was give me an x-ray. I thought it was strange when they put a lead apron over my midsection to shield me from radiation, then proceeded to place the x-ray gun right in front of my face.
When I left the dentists office a man approached me, gave me a bullet proof vest, and said, "Put this on, you'll need it." He then shot me in the face with a shotgun, but everything was cool cuz I had that bulletproof vest covering my midsection. This got me thinking about other safety measures that had saved my life in the past.
Texas commonly gets tornados and when I was a young boy a tornado hit my school, but I wasn't nervous cuz I knew how to beat the tornado. Just crouch down with my head against the wall and cover my neck with my hands. The building was torn from the earth. Me and my classmates woke up miles away next to a desimated razor blade factory the tornado had picked up. No one was harmed thanks to the simple crouching technique we learned in school. Then there was the time an atomic bomb was dropped next to my school. We heard the sirens and knew what to do. We were prepared! After the bomb went off nothing was left. We were surrounded by the flaming aftermath of the explosion, the only thing left unscathed for miles around were desks. The same desks we had taken shelter under before the blast. And who could forget the earthquake.
When the building started to shake I got really scared but then I remembered the advice I had heard on the news. After the quake I was surrounded by the rubble of the collapsed 5 story building. Thankfully I was unharmed because I stood underneath a door frame. OK, that was all bullshit except for the x-ray thing.